confidence building

How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others (Plus: A Free PDF + Audio Guide)

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I’ve dealt with some form of comparison for most of my life. In grade school I wanted to be like my older sister, in high school I wanted to be like my peers and in college I wanted to be like my friends.

Even as a young adult in my early twenties I was always comparing my life to strangers on social media. For some reason pretty instagram filters and hashtags have a way of making us feel less than. Like we’re behind or missing out on something. Over consuming these images of our friends and peers living their “seemingly” best lives makes us wonder… “Has God forgotten about me?”. In moments like this our lives can feel like they are slipping by and everyone is passing us up. Our peers suddenly seem more successful, beautiful and happy.

As I approach the tender age of 26. I can finally say I’ve dominated my inner comparison junkie. I’ve finally learned how to break the unhealthy cycle of comparison. Here’s how I did it: 

#1 Remember that social media is just the highlight reel.

The images you see don't show the ugly parts of an experience. You may see a picture of your co-worker and her smiling boyfriend, but it doesn’t show the fight they had a minute after the photo was taken. The travel photo on the top of a mountain may not display the rain they got caught in while heading home shortly after snapping that amazing photo. These are just examples, but I say all this to remind you that... "A perfect photo doesn’t equal a perfect life.” It’s just a moment in time and the best moment that they decided to share with the world. 

Affirmation: "I am not honoring myself when I compare my life to someone’s highlight reel."

 

#2 Focus on God. 

Devoting myself to God and really focusing on our relationship has helped me to fill “boring moments” with spending time with God rather than scrolling on social media. Take that down time to reflect and plan things for your life. Another tip: Choose your crowd wisely. If you know that being with a certain group of people causes you to compare yourself, then STOP hanging out with them. Instead spend your down-time with God. What does that mean? Click here to find out! 

#3 Stay In Your Lane. 

This has been HUGE for me! After years of trying to be like everyone else, comparing my journey, watching others succeed and wondering…”when will it be my turn?” I finally realized this MAJOR KEY! Spend time doing the things you truly enjoy. Don't waste time doing things that everyone else is doing. There's power is working toward the things that serve your purpose and calling. If you are called to do something, DO IT! Don't spend your time wondering how other people will view you. Staying in your lane keeps your focused on your goals and not everyone else's accomplishments. 

Affirmation: “You have no power in any territory, but your own”. -Oprah

Now let's take this info and put it into action! 

Grab your notebook and bible! Here's a few verses I want you to study.

  • Galatians 6:4-5 
  • Romans 12:12 
  • Phillipians 2:3 
  • Galatians 1:10
  • Psalm 37:5 

Still struggling with comparison? Click Here to Download the prayer Audio + Scripture Cards

Resources/Helpful Links 

  1. Hello Fresh Discount $40 off your first box
  2. Devotional and Bible

 

 

What Snowboarding Taught Me About Life

Just a few weeks ago I went snowboarding for the very first time on a winter re-treat with job.

Disclaimer: I am not an athlete by any means.

When I was in the 6th grade I joined the cheerleading squad aspiring to be like my big sister. After a few days I hated it due to the excessive amount of smiling that was required and the terrifying stunts I had been asked to perform. After that very short stint I joined the color guard team my junior year of high school and somehow made co-captain with my two best friends. For as long as I can remember coordination was always a challenge for me. In all honestly any type of physical movement was a challenge. Mainly because I hated the idea of looking like an idiot in front of people. That all changed back in 2014 when I became a licensed Zumba instructor, but that's a different story for a different day.

With age comes the feeling on letting go of childhood insecurities and worrying about looking stupid. Don’t get me wrong I still think about it every once in awhile, but that thought doesn’t stop me from doing things anymore. Now at the age of 25 I willingly challenge myself to uncomfortable situations. Nothing grows inside a comfort zone.

Right before hitting the slopes I began to get terrifying feelings about my choice to snowboard. “Maybe I should switch to skis”, I thought. “Why am I the only girl taking the snowboard lesson?, It must be a lot harder.” I told myself and others who asked if I was excited.

“You will be completely out of your comfort zone, but it’s going to be a blast", said a fellow co-worker when I asked him what to expect. He was absolutely right!

Here’s The 3 Things Snowboarding Taught Me About Life

  1. You Will Fall:  We all go through a rough stage at some point. We have to trip, stumble and look stupid in order to learn a new skill. The key here is to just get right back up and try again. It won’t be easy. I literally fell directly on my face within 5 seconds of trying the first basic spin. It hurt like hell, but after that initial fall I knew that I could take the pain and it wasn’t as terrifying anymore.

  2. People Will Judge You: Did I mentioned that during that first face landing I was in front of the entire group of ski goers from my job, the rest of the fellas that decided to snowboard  and a few children that were getting lessons for the first time as well? I knew that other people were watching, but I didn’t hold back. I kept trying and asking questions. When others looked my way I just blew it off and continued to keep working at it. I even laughed at myself when I struggled to walk up the bunny slope hill with my board strapped on. Laugh out yourself, pray or cry. Do what ever it takes and keep going! 

  3. Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help: Although everyone else caught on rather quickly I struggled and I mean really struggled. So I let the instructor know that I could use some extra help. I asked the others for tips to help me get another perspective. The only way to get help is to ask. Don’t feel ashamed to speak up and ask questions.

Ultimately, I had an amazing experience and although I went home with a sore body and busted lip I felt so accomplished and proud of myself for pushing past that fear.

What's one thing you are afraid to try? 

 Next on my list is Skydiving(sorry mom)! 

Self Care: Loving How You Look + Feel

Recently I made a decision to focus my energy on my spirituality, self-love, appreciation, security, and family instead of focusing on men (dating and sexual relations), social media perception, and fashion trends. Oddly, I noticed that I had been lacking the initiative to take pride in the appearance of my hair, makeup, nails, and clothing selections. What caused this change was my thought process.

  1. I felt like I couldn’t maintain my outer appearance, because I have been too busy with more important aspects of my life.

  2. I kept saying things like “I don’t have anyone to get cute for". As you can imagine, having such a negative mindset did nothing but further destroy one of the main goals that I have been working toward, loving and appreciating myself.  

Self Care Tips

Step 1: Adopt A New Way Of Thinking

Think of positive and confident thoughts. Remind yourself that you’re not caring for yourself for the reactions of others, but simply for self satisfaction. I have an affirmation that I say in the mirror each morning. 

“Okay Queen, It’s time to get ready to meet your public” and then I start my beauty process.

I know it's kind of cheesy, but create one of your own and give it a try. 

Step 2: Keep It Simple And Quick

Let’s be honest! You are not going to wake up every morning in the mood to go through a beauty routine that takes at least an hour to complete. Here's a few ways to feel beautiful when you're on a time schedule.

Wear Protective Styles: They can last anywhere from a week to a month or two and are low maintenance, but they keep you looking on point.

Opt For Staple Items: I dress up my laid back clothing by adding a blazer or cardigan on top. Then pairing it with a chunky heel. I still get to feel comfy, but I look well put together while doing it.

Shorten Your Make-up Routine: My routine takes me no more than 10 mins. I keep my quick routine products in a separate place from the rest of my makeup, so that I can get to it even quicker. Here's some my favorite products.

Do you take more pride in your appearance when you’re dating, looking to date, or posting selfies on social media? What steps do you take to look your best every day? 

Written By | Cecily Wheeler